


About Today

by shadowfire125



Series: Ambivalence [2]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: M/M, human!Perry AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2012-05-01
Packaged: 2017-11-04 15:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowfire125/pseuds/shadowfire125
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Perry's job takes its toll. At least he has someone he can talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	About Today

**Author's Note:**

> This one will probably make more sense if you read "How to Embrace a Swamp Creature" first. Title lifted off the song by the National because I suck.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz was having a quiet night in after having taken the day off. He was thinking about ordering some pizza and spending the evening watching romantic comedies when there was a knock at the door. Wondering who it could possibly be at this hour, he opened the door. His eyebrows went up in surprise. “Perry the Platypus?”

The agent stood in the hall, shoulders slumped. There was some blood splattered on his shirt, and Doofenshmirtz immediately thought of the incident a few months ago. “Are you hurt?” he asked in alarm, hoping they wouldn’t have to go through that again.

Perry shook his head, looking tired. “I jest need soomwhere ta stay.”

The echo of last time irked Doofenshmirtz almost as much as it irked him that Perry seemed to assume that the scientist would let him stay the night. It didn’t help that there really wasn’t any way Doofenshmirtz was going to say no. He stepped aside to let Perry in. “You look like you could use a shower. I’ll set up the couch.”

Perry gave him a grateful look and went off to find the bathroom. Doofenshmirtz managed to dig up some spare pillows and blankets and dumped them on the couch, then plopped himself down in a chair and flicked on the TV.

After a while he realized he could still hear the shower running, and a glance at the clock confirmed that Perry had been in there for at least half an hour. Curious, he switched off the TV and went to the bathroom. When knocking on the door got no response, he peeked inside and was hit in the face by a rolling cloud of steam. It was like a sauna in there. He opened the door all the way to let the steam out. “Are you intentionally trying to run up my water bill?” he demanded.

Still no answer. Doofenshmirtz was beginning to suspect something was wrong. “Perry?”

When the agent remained silent, Doofenshmirtz reached inside the shower curtain and fumbled with the knobs until the water stopped, hoping Perry wouldn’t break his wrist for doing so.

But there didn’t seem to be any reaction at all.

Now he was really worried, so he went to the other end of the bathtub and peered cautiously around the curtain.

Perry was sitting on the floor of the tub with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head hanging. Doofenshmirtz could see the latticework of old scars that covered the agent’s broad back, and a more recent scar that Doofenshmirtz was rather unfortunately acquainted with.

“Don’t think you can make a habit of just showing up and then not telling me what happened,” said Doofenshmirtz.

Finally, after a moment that felt painfully long, Perry said, “I killed someone tahday.”

“Oh,” said Doofenshmirtz, because he didn’t know what else to say. He sat down with his back against the tub and looked over at Perry again. The agent’s skin was bright red from the hot water. Doofenshmirtz swallowed. “I’ll, uh, I’ll get you a towel.”

Perry only moved after Doofenshmirtz had draped a towel over his shoulders, reaching up to dig his fingers into the material and pulling it closer around him.

Doofenshmirtz sighed and sat down again. “You wanna talk about it?”

Perry was quiet for so long that Doofenshmirtz thought maybe the agent hadn’t heard him. Just as Doofenshmirtz was about to repeat the question, Perry said, “I d’nae know if I did thae right thing.”

Doofenshmirtz almost interjected, but realized in time he probably shouldn’t. So he shut his mouth and let Perry choose his words.

That was the thing about Perry when he talked. On occasion you could actually _see_ him mulling over what statement would best convey his meaning with minimal speaking. He always chose his words carefully, and as a result sometimes he could express complex ideas in the simplest way.

Right now, from what Doofenshmirtz could see of his face, Perry seemed to be having trouble finding the right words. There was a lot he wanted to say but couldn’t, or wouldn’t. Eventually he settled on, “I thought I did nae have a choice.” His voice cracked on the last syllable.

Everything suddenly became painfully clear to Doofenshmirtz. It was likely that Perry had never inflicted anything worse than some broken bones and possibly a concussion on another human being. But somehow he’d been backed into a corner, he’d exhausted all other possibilities, and now he was wondering if he’d missed something. He was racking his brain for some other path he could have taken, something that he could have done to prevent the loss of a life at his own hands.

“You do realize that if you figure out some way where you didn’t have to do it, it’ll only make you feel worse?”

“Nae helpful,” said Perry, giving the evil scientist a baleful look.

“Sorry.”

They both sat in silence until Doofenshmirtz couldn’t stand it anymore. “So are you going to dry yourself off, or am I going to have to do it for you?”

Perry yanked the shower curtain shut and stood, and Doofenshmirtz got to his feet as well. “I think I might have some old clothes somewhere that might fit you. I’ll be right back.” He hurried to his bedroom and began digging through the backs of drawers until he came up with a large T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. He turned around and nearly screamed. Perry had silently appeared in the doorway, holding the towel around his waist.

“Don’t surprise me like that,” Doofenshmirtz snapped, throwing the clothes at Perry.

Perry caught the pants, but the shirt hit him in the face. Doofenshmirtz brushed past him, heading back for the living room and the safe lack of emotional complexity of the chair in front of the TV. Once he was dressed, Perry wandered into the living room and sat on the couch, pulling his knees up again.

Doofenshmirtz looked over at him, and it struck him how _young_ Perry looked. He didn’t know how old the agent was, but he probably wasn’t even thirty. Doofenshmirtz didn’t like seeing him so vulnerable. He was Perry the Platypus, Doofenshmirtz’s annoyingly stoic and nigh invincible nemesis!

It was disconcerting to see him look so defeated.

With a sigh, he pushed himself out of the chair and went to sit next to Perry. “I’m sure you did everything you could have done.”

Perry glanced up at him, and Doofenshmirtz smiled. He knew he didn’t have a great smile at the best of times, but Perry seemed to relax a little. At least he uncurled himself.

“It’s jest-” he began. “I d’nae know how I kin go home. Thae boys-” He stopped himself, staring at his hands.

Boys? This was the first hint Doofenshmirtz had ever gotten at what Perry’s home life was like. Was Perry a _father_? Or was he referring to little brothers, or something similar? Doofenshmirtz mentally shook himself. Now wasn’t really the time.

Perry put one hand over his face and leaned back, rubbing his eyes, and Doofenshmirtz realized with alarm that Perry was trying not to cry. Doofenshmirtz didn’t know the first thing about what to do with crying people. He was pretty sure being emotionally inept was one of the reasons that his marriage hadn’t worked out. _Why_ did Perry keep coming to him with his problems?

Oh right. Perry trusted him. Doofenshmirtz hadn’t realized how weighty having someone’s trust could be, especially someone like Perry. He desperately wanted to keep that trust, but had no idea what he’d done to earn it.

Then out of the blue, the crux of the problem occurred to him. Perry was one of the good guys. Good guys didn’t kill people. Doofenshmirtz had never killed anyone and never really wanted to, but he was on the side of evil. Perry was having a severe moral crisis, beyond just the sickening reality of taking someone’s life. He was doubting if he could ever really be a good guy anymore. He was wondering if he could ever look someone in the face again.

Doofenshmirtz gulped. This was heavy stuff. Way beyond him. But he was going to try. He wanted his nemesis back.

“You know, Perry,” he started uncertainly, “you did what you had to. In, in the line of duty. That’s how that phrase goes, right? I don’t really have any experience to draw from or anything, I can’t really identify with what you’re going through, but you’re a good person. There aren’t really many people who are just good people without even trying, but you, you’re one of them. Okay? So, so cheer up. Or, well, maybe not cheer up but at least wear that expression you normally do, uh, grim determination, or, or that sort of deadpan look you give me whenever I do… well, anything pretty much. Yeah, see, that look! That’s exactly the one I was talking about.”

\--

Doofenshmirtz did end up ordering pizza, and they stayed up watching late night sitcoms until they both fell asleep on the couch. When he woke up the next morning, Perry was already making breakfast. While they ate, Doofenshmirtz rambled on about how Vanessa was doing in school and potential inators he was thinking of. After breakfast, Perry went home.

When he went in through the front door of the Flynn-Fletcher house, Phineas raced into the hall and tackled him around the middle, closely followed by Ferb. “There you are, Perry!” Phineas said, looking up. “We started to worry when you didn’t come home last night!”

For a moment, Perry completely froze up. He’d done one of the worst things one human could do to another, and he was afraid to touch the boys, as if that darkness was something that could rub off onto them and spoil their pure exuberance, their love of life. But he remembered what Heinz had said about good people, and while he didn’t believe it of himself, he also didn’t believe he was irredeemable. He supposed that it was inevitable in his line of work, and somehow he’d managed to put it off for longer than most. What he did was to protect people.

He thought of the man he had killed, and he thought of the children clinging to him now, and he realized that if that man had been allowed to continue there would have been so many lives at risk, including the boys’, and he realized that to protect his family he was capable of anything. And perhaps that wasn’t such a bad thing.

He knelt and hugged Phineas and Ferb back as tightly as he could. “Well, I’m all right,” he said, and smiled at them.


End file.
